Eight months

I've been so busy lately with settling down that I don't have the time to blog. But this post is especially for my one and only. It's still 28th here so I'm going to say.


HAPPY EIGHT MONTH SWEETHEART :)

It's going to be alright for us :D I just know it :D Keep the faith.

I love you :)

Always have :)

London Intro

Yeap, from now on, a new beginning! A new chapter of life! So this is it! I'm hereeee!

IN LONDON!

:D

Yeap, that's Marilyn Monroe at the back. I packed her up as well! :D Soooo I'll be continuing the post in a more elaborate way when I actually settle in properly. So many things going on here. The flight was horrible to say. Can't sleep, bad food. Pretty much sums it up.

I'll be back for more!

Oh my

Yeap, it has been a while! So I've gotten to more photoshooting this week and I haven't edited most of them :/ As you guys probably know, I'm leaving for the UK this week. Thursday actually and I'm pretty hyped about it. I got most of my stuffs and clothes. Now I just need to get through the most dreadful part, the packing. I haven't started packing yet.

Just so you know, this is a wrap of what I have been doing.

The Gypsy shoot which I was very proud of :)

And I had another shoot yesterday which requires a LOT of editing.

And a party this Tuesday!

MADNESS. Oh well.

Among the other things, I miss this the most :'(

I miss my boo :(

Nails

Yeap, nails pretty much screwed :)

In life you need two things.

You need laughter and you need love.

And I have both and I am blessed to have them in my life. 

<3

I think I have reached a terrible stage of insomnia and fatigue that my body can't take. I can't even sleep properly. I keep sleeping during the afternoon and whenever I want to sleep at night, I can't. Well what can you do? When you sleep, your pain rubs off form you. But when you wake up to reality, everything rush back to you like the waves. And suddenly this wave of emotions start to consume you deeply.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to make myself feel happier but I just can't.

Doesn't help either when I keep listening to sad songs. At times, I really want to give up. Give it all up and disconnect from the world.

I already gave up on Twitter.

Why?

I got over that phase. Maybe I will get it back? Who knows but at the moment, I gave it up.

If I gave up Facebook, my social life ends there. 

I have 1000+ friends. But who would ever talk to me? Who would? Sometimes it's so hard to face the fact that as you go, no matter how many friends you have, no one bothers about your life. Who cares?

Who cares?

Twitter is all about social but who in the world fucking cares about what you're doing? Or thinking? Or wishing? Or hoping? Or praying?

I'm just going through that night sadness phase.

My heart is fairly..gone.

It's like I have no more emotions. 

I don't feel like sleeping at all. Shit, I'm crying again. 

4 days of non stop crying and yet it's not enough?

One of these days, my tears will eventually dry up and I won't have the need to cry anymore.

I'm sorry, it's just right now my head's a mess. 

I fucking hate this.

3 hours of driving. I got lost. And somehow, I ended up in Kajang. Funny thing huh? It's always no matter where I go I always end up in Kajang. But instead of panicking, I decided to search for well certain houses. I passed by the many houses I thought could be it but well obviously I was just trying my luck. Stupid right? I mean, you don't even know where he lives and you try so hard to reach him. Makes you look really desperate don't you think? But inside me, I just did it without thinking.

I went to the doctor to finally get my vision test done. Full report will be on tomorrow. And somehow, the busy days just got  a little bit lesser.

I miss him.

Not that I know that he misses me. But I do.

Even if he doesn't.

I still do. And I realised something scary.

I only have less than 2 weeks till I leave for London.

It took me the courage to write this but I am sorry. I know you're stressed with the current situation you're having and I absolutely didn't mean it. I'm just giving you the space you need and it's not like I don't wanna talk to you. I do but I need some time for myself to reflect what I did. I don't know whether you're reading this but I really do miss you.

I'm just being a chicken by not saying this to you but I love you. It's so sad that everytime I said something mean or bad, it hurts you and it hurts me twice as much. I know you're going through a hard time and sometimes you might find me not understanding or like being a big bitch hogging up your ass but I just wanted to talk to you. At that time, I didn't know who else to turn to. I was trying to keep it in, trying to keep it cool when you told me you were busy and you had to sleep early but inside I was really sad.

Whatever I said, it really hurt I know. It's just not the right way to do it and I know it. I just hope I can see you again. But of course, I promise I'll tell you when and will not get mad or say something mean to you. Even if you don't read this, I hope you know I'll always love you no matter what. I just hate it whenever you get hurt. It hurts me triple the time of that.

ps: there was a change of plans this week so i'm quite free on thursday if you want to meet me that is.

Missing.

Is it possible to miss someone this badly?

Sunday Mornings shoot

So yesterday Ms Sue Lyn called me at 9 plus in the morning for a photoshoot. At first it was for her 2nd audition for the liselle model search but then it got cancelled so it was then waged on for her lookbook and her tote loving (she sells tote bags :D) Of course, I bathe and then went straight to her place for her shoot. At first it was all going smooth then we spontaneously decided to do another shoot that I've already planned in mind for a long time. It was called Sunday Mornings! Though we did it on a Saturday HAHAH.

She prepared the props while I shoot and directed the pictures. The pictures were all perfect :) Some of it. I had some difficulty with the lighting but made use of whatever I had and the pictures were really nice! Here are some which I really like!

wanna see more?

http://spotlessexposure.blogspot.com

<3

Leave me

Leave Me from Ryan Dunlap on Vimeo.

No matter how much I try to fight it, this video never failed to make me cry. I love this short film SO MUCH. It's 2 years back but the film is still so beautiful.

Watch it please :)

My mornings

Wouldn't your morning be so perfect like this or lunch or supper I don't know? :)

Wouldn't you love to runaway and escape to this sanctuary with your love one?

I would. I mean. It's been really hard for me to accept these few days. I am eager to go to London, but my visa application is getting in the way and it's making it harder for me to relax about it. Received a ton of emails and it's not going so well.

And I don't know why but recently I get very annoyed easily at everything. It's not very good indeed. Like haih, yesterday. I felt bad for being so mean and looking annoyed. Like I didn't mean to. It gets to me all the damn time. I HAVE to stop being like this. Times like this, I really am harsh on myself. It's like every little thing people do, I question myself whether it's my fault. It's like neverending. I think people are getting tired of it. Cause I am. 

I'm thinking too much. Haih. :'(

Rise of the Planet!

The movie overall touched me instantly. Animal cruelty? Animal tests? What more can you say? A movie like this must not be missed. It truly explains a lot about the connection between animals and humans. How we are very much alike with them. Quite inspiring I must say. It is a must watch for those of you who are keen on apes and really want a movie who can touch you overall.

This movie is definitely the one for you. I loved it personally because it gives off the feel of compassion and love for one another. How animals in fact in return do things not out of violence but out of self defense. The whole idea is that in fact it applies to not just apes (who are infact the closest of our kind) but to other living animals. They have love, compassion, feelings, it depends on how you approach them. I quote this from Cesar Millan.

"Sometimes, people often blame the breed of the dog. But it is in fact the trainer's fault. It's not about the dog, it's always about us."

The way we treat them is how the way they react to us. Never blame animals for their misdoings. They are resorted to do it because of our actions. Our actions scarred them therefore, it leaves them an impression that whoever approaches them, their self defense mode is switched on. 

A food for thought.

Pretty picturews

via tumblr.

Waking up to these pictures everyday, makes me wanna photoshoot even more.

Captain America

It's awesome. Very the awesome. I don't wanna spoil it for those who haven't watched. You just have to watch it for yourself. Chris Evans is so good! I mean acting wise wasn't too bad! I just love the whole movie. I can't believe I couldn't recognise the creator of Marvel in the movie itself =_= Gah. Anyways, awesome MOVIE! It was much better than Thor personally. 

And yes Marvel this time are putting bits and pieces of the puzzle towards the biggest and the most ambitious movie of the year. I won't tell you what movie but if you watched Thor and this movie, you would know ;)

I CAN'T WAIT. :D